I am so excited and honored to be a part of such an amazing group of Hottie-McHottie writers!  I will do my best to not let you down or offend (too much).

Hello. My name is Beth. Some call me Bethie. Or just B… Cuz, you know, Beth can be quite a mouthfull. A zillion years ago, my trainer named me B-Sting. Probably because I’m so large and clumsy like a bumble bee who really has no business being airborne. I’m 6 feet tall and trip on the designs in the carpet. It’s unsafe to even stand near me.

Ironically, I’m also a fitness instructor. I mostly teach cycle (spin) where I’m safely clipped onto a bike in the seated position. Sometimes I teach low impact aerobics (which is more like spazercize when I teach it) and body sculpting. I’m taking a risk with those last two classes. Case in point, today I managed to bounce a 10-lb dumbbell off my hand… My left thumb, to be exact. Do you know how hard it is to shave your right armpit without an opposable left thumb?

I have an almost-6-year-old daughter. We tried for 7 long, excruciating years to have her. And now she swells my life with love, happiness, and immeasurable self-esteem. Like when she told me, today, that I shouldn’t wear shorts because I look only kinda good in them and, in her own words, “kinda means half good plus half bad“. So she advised I stick with pants or skirts… long skirts.

I think I suffer from the opposite of anorexia. I don’t weigh myself anymore because it was f-ing with my head. I go by what the mirror tells me. I suspect I have one of those magic mirrors like the wicked queen from Snow White because when I look in the mirror, it says to me, “honey, you’re not bad!“.

Remember the thumb incident?  I went to the doc to have it x-rayed (it’s not broken) and, of course, they made me hop on the evil scale of doom. The giant LCD-displayed number it flashed in my face (and probably in the lobby, too) was horrific!!!  I did NOT see that one coming. And I always feel compelled to offer the nurse some sort of explanation, “Well… I just taught 2 fitness classes and my clothes are soaked with sweat. And this swelling in my thumb must be weighing me down, too!” One of these days, I’m just gonna own it, “Hell yes!  That’s how I roll!  I don’t even look like that number, do I?!?  Yeah, baby!  High five!!  Suck it, scale!  SUCK. IT.!!”

Anyhoo, I digress…  We struggled with infertility and now, by the grace of God, we have a daughter. And I’m done. I recently called my OB/GYN for an IUD install. Gimme the hardware, baby, cuz my work here is done!  Turns out I don’t have much patience and have no business hanging out with small children.

I have these moments of badly-timed self discovery all the time. Like the time I was taking (costly) classes to become a massage therapist. Turns out I don’t like touching people.

So…. Enough about me. Tell me about you!!

-B(Sting)