There is no funny in this blog post. I apologize, in advance, also for the lack of helium (or other miscellaneous gases to get you through this read). There will be no squeaky-cheeky laughter or ha-ha..s. Nope, and it’s not even a dreaded Monday. Half empty or half full? I’m still undecided…but care for a Prozac?
Read more on The Unfunny Blog Post…
I like to joke about the way I talk. I tend to describe it as like Ray Romano and Fran Drescher had a love child. It’s a unique blend of Midwestern nasal twang combined with a Texas accent on occasion.
Current Mood:
Embarrased & 
Hysterically laughing
Lately, I’m like a newborn baby, for chrissakes! I can’t sleep through the nite and it’s driving me mad! MAD, I tell you!!! I’ve heard this could be the onset of perimenopause. Which is odd because isn’t perimenopause the onset of menopause? How many ‘onsets’ do we need to go through before we just dry up, already?? I’ve tried taking melatonin. It works… somewhat. I sleep deeply. Have weird dreams. THEN wake up. It’s great (sarcasm). The most recent melatonin-induced dreams include my husband telling me, “The money has run out. Go get a corporate job, again.” (although, this could have been reality and my subconscious has chosen to bank it as a dream); President Obama telling me, “What DO you do? Write? You’re not a writer! Go get me a real writer!!”; my daughter telling me, “Daddy is crying in the chair, again.” (again, this one could be reality. You decide.)
Current Mood:
Do me in already!
That was my “status update” today.
Read more on Stupid is a Two-Letter Word…
I am a good Mom. No, I am a great Mom…or so I keep telling myself that. I’m not really into “pats on the back” so the words are usually converted into little bites of Godiva, which means that there are a lot of little empty gold bags laying around. They make for elegant decor…or doggie-doo bags. Just don’t mistake the new from the old. Yes, it’s Monday. Just sayin’.
Read more on Motivated Mondays – Being an Over-Achiever HAS to be Over-Rated…
No, no. I’m not yelling that at you in an accusatory tone of voice. Why are you so sensitive? Something you need to confess???
What I really mean is there are many different kinds of parents:
* The Crafty Parent who will set up stations of chaos fun with glue, glitter, markers, paint, egg cartons, and the like and make a wonderful, sparkly Eiffel Tower that lights up when you clap your hands three times
Read more on What Kind of Parent Are You?…
Current Mood:
Catty & 
Devilish & 
Horsing around… & 
Oh no you didn’t!
Last week a friend told me I wasn’t very funny when I was pregnant. Personally I challenge anyone to strap on a 30 pound watermelon, try to shave their right leg…oh, and then crack a smile. Look, it’s not about being funny. Looking funny, yes. Being funny, no.
Read more on Funny…Makes Funny…
I don’t have a lot of hair. I wish I had a lot of hair. But, instead, I have a few thin strands that I keep coloring and moving around my head to create the illusion of thick, luxurious hair. My mom refers to it as ‘cat fur’… puny, malnourished, mange-infested cat fur.
Read more on The Long of The Short of It…
Current Mood:
Sassy
I have been on vacation and generally running amok like a chicken with my head cut off. Shocker. Who the hell isn’t, right? During the amokness, I have been racking (or is it wracking?) my brain trying to come up with a funny blog topic. I’ve had a few false starts, but nothing really culminated into something I could proudly re-read to myself the next day (don’t pretend you don’t do this). Maybe the funny post hasn’t come to me because I needed to write something (dare I say it)…. un-funny.
Read more on How Do We Do This?…
Current Mood:
Sad & tearful
Whomever coined the phrase, “Just be yourself” was a dumb ass. Let me preface the rest of my blog by saying, I have not had chocolate or caffeine in about a week and I am about to stick a fork in my left eye. Oh, and “dumb ass” is an understatement. Who started this JBY joyride of ridic-u-larity? Look, the LAST thing anyone wants to hear, when they are in limbo about reality, is a pep talk from a SAHM who has let herself go and who is wearing apple bottom jeans that are two sizes too small. Crack isn’t legal. Just sayin’. Oh, and I don’t wear apple bottom jeans. They scare me with all that gold.