I spend a large portion of my work day sitting outside restrooms. For the class I am subbing in, getting to walk to the restroom unescorted is a privilege that you must earn. We simply have not been back to school long enough for anyone to have earned it yet. We also have many “breaks” built into our schedule. It divides up the day well for those students who have trouble focusing for long periods of time.
We knock on the restroom doors first, as they have to go in alone. We also check for any mischief. This protects our students from any wrongful accusations, but also provides irrefutable proof if there are hijinks in there. Sadly, I grew complacent that it is a low traffic area. After a quick knock, I walked in on the principal talking on his cell phone. We were both relieved he was not multi-tasking at the time.
One student seems to have, shall we say, bowel issues. There is regular, and then there is “what the hell are you eating?” because that level of frequency really should be discussed with a doctor. This leaves me sitting outside with the others, who enjoy telling me improbable stories.
Recently though, as we waited for our pooper to be done (yet again), one boy comments “I don’t know how he does that. If I am going to go, it has to be on my own toilet!”
I agree that it is preferable, but it doesn’t bother everyone. He nods wisely and says “it does get more difficult the closer you get to home.” Now I am seriously trying not to bust out laughing. I have had this conversation before with my closest friend. Who else can you talk about those tough commutes home because you know whatever is making that noise in your gut? It should not happen in public. I can think of two specific incidents where that happened, and both involved the Taco Bell by my university. I never ate there again, in case you were wondering. Anything that makes you think of that scene in “Alien” when you are driving? It really is best to avoid it.
I would think of this later and chuckle to myself. Not just because the kid prefers to go at home, but because he was willing to admit that. He might be a smart ass, but sometimes he calls them like he sees them. I can respect that.
It was just this morning, in the midst of a very rainy camping trip, that I realized that JD had not been a productive citizen. He had failed to drop a deuce despite our time in the camper and the presence of his froggy potty. I rather thought we were going to have a problem when he announced “I fahted” as we were packing. It was quite humid in our pop up camper, that stench would have lingered for a while.
But no, things didn’t loosen up until we were safely ensconced in our home. It took three separate efforts over an hour, each more impressive than the last. The kind where you wish you would have weighed the kid when you got home, and then after. Just for the sake of an explanation, I suppose. Maybe he missed Friday too….
It isn’t the same for everyone. I know I listened to the bigger ones debate walking with an umbrella versus riding their bike in the rain because they had to go (but how badly? Enough to get wet?).
Everybody poops, we know that. Heck, there is a book about it! Where we choose to, or able to do it, well, that is another story. One Freud would probably have a lot to say about. Maybe Dorothy did say it best. “There is no place like home!”
Now I must go chase a wee boy down with a wet wipe… again!
Archive for the Category »KIds (2, 3 & 4) «
Today I came full-circle with my past; it was like it was 1992 all over again. Well, minus the red Dodge Sundance with a spotty air conditioner and the bad spiral perm. Yes, in the deepest bowels of my being, a feeling rose so swiftly today, that I barely had time to hush the gasp. I felt the lines on my forehead expand and my lips tighten and purse, and I had to cross my ankles to keep myself glued in place. Not really wanting to walk out on eight moms and a baby, but an eager and willing heart topped with a fire-hot temper and a head about to explode.
Read more on Parenting Baptists, Catholics, Protestants…and then there’s me?…
As summer vacation approaches, every stay at home mom gets that uneasy feeling in her stomach. Sure, it is going to be nice to not have to do have the morning routine at the crack of dawn. The lazy of pace of summer may not be so lazy, depending on how many sports your children play. But deep down every mother realizes that there is NO ESCAPE for the months to come. And we get nervous.
Recently both Linus and JD visited the dentist. Neither had cavities. This is a big deal for Linus, who will not graduate to the family dentist until he has multiple cavity free check ups. The pediatric dentist is great and all, but the drive is a bit much. Linus is also pleased because this means he can drink pop a little more often.
Toddlers are so entertaining! JD has reached a milestone with his speech, meaning I can understand more of what he says and not just intuitively know what he wants. He has started interacting with the tv, which I find hilarious. I was washing dishes when I heard Mickey Mouse ask “would you like to come inside my clubhouse?” JD says “no!” He will guess the Mouse-ka-tool though, and I am continually impressed with how bright he is. Okay, until he pulls the little step stool up to the counter and pries the lid off the cookie jar. Then his ingenuity is a tad aggravating.
