Tonite’s installment of, I Can’t Sleep, has been brought to you by the makers of Naturally More Peanut Butter. Naturally More Peanut Butter: Because, naturally, I need more peanut butter than the average binge eater.
Read more on I Can’t Sleep (Volume I, Issue 2)…
Current Mood:
Catty & 
Devilish & 
Drowning & 
Horsing around… & 
Juggling the world & 
Needing a time out… & 
Perplexed…??? & 
Playful & 
Sassy
I am in need of Super-Duper-Massive-Strength Tylenol. I just opened the packet from Madison’s Open House and apparently I will need homeschooling this year. Our elementary school’s policy is that parents may visit at any time. I wonder if the 1st Grade teacher will be willing to give me a kid-sized desk and a paper name plate? Magnetic Poles…Sacagawea? Here I come!
Read more on I Could Have Been a Michael Jackson (The Mouse) Wannabe…
I went to a local store at the mall, today, called Buckle. It’s a dedicated jeans shop (but they also sell shirts and shoes). There were low-rise jeans, mid-rise jeans, skinny, boot cut, flared, eco-friendly (seriously??) jeans, blinged-out jeans; I was experiencing denim-sensory-overload. There were also jeggings. I laughed my ass off when the salesgirl (whom I shall refer to as Candy since I was too tickled to catch her real name) nonchalantly said the word. I asked her to repeat herself so I could get another internal chuckle, “I’m sorry. What are these called?” Although, internally, she was probably thinking, “crazy old feed-bag needs to stick to workout pants”. I asked her if she felt stupid saying the word. She said, “No”. I asked how old she was (look, this wasn’t an interview. It’s not illegal for me to ask her that question). “I’ll be 22 this year!” (she was so proud of her age). Well, that answered my question… all of them.
Read more on Jeggings (Not Jenga)…
Current Mood: Catty & Playful & Sassy
I am ready to give up on being presentable. It just isn’t going to happen. I am not a neat person to begin with. I am rather clumsy and prone to spilling coffee on myself, or dribbling salsa down my shirt. Condiments land on my pants on a regular basis.
Read more on A Clean Shirt, Please!…
Current Mood:
Do me in already!
For most SAHM, the start of school is like waiting for the Derby bell…sans the big fancy hats with ribbon and roses. There’s a lot of anticipation, a lot of money is thrown around…and everyone celebrates afterward with iced Mint Juleps… Cosmos if they are big-city folk… herbal tea if they frequent meetings with name badges and a sponsor in the crowd.
No, no. I’m not yelling that at you in an accusatory tone of voice. Why are you so sensitive? Something you need to confess???
What I really mean is there are many different kinds of parents:
* The Crafty Parent who will set up stations of chaos fun with glue, glitter, markers, paint, egg cartons, and the like and make a wonderful, sparkly Eiffel Tower that lights up when you clap your hands three times
Read more on What Kind of Parent Are You?…
Current Mood: Catty & Devilish & Horsing around… & 
Oh no you didn’t!
I have been on vacation and generally running amok like a chicken with my head cut off. Shocker. Who the hell isn’t, right? During the amokness, I have been racking (or is it wracking?) my brain trying to come up with a funny blog topic. I’ve had a few false starts, but nothing really culminated into something I could proudly re-read to myself the next day (don’t pretend you don’t do this). Maybe the funny post hasn’t come to me because I needed to write something (dare I say it)…. un-funny.
Read more on How Do We Do This?…
Current Mood:
Sad & tearful
Janet Jackson had a song about it, politicians live for it and my 5-year-old thinks it’s the “bees knees”. Unfortunately, these days, it’s in a rat-race with Chuck-E-”Sneeze”. Oh, lucky me.
I recently read “Just Let Me Lie Down” by Kristin van Ogtrop. Sure, it is a dictionary for working mothers, but hey, I like to laugh and she was pretty funny. I was hooked at her definition of accounting error, which means you have one more child than you can actually handle.
Read more on Accounting Error…
Current Mood: Drowning & Juggling the world
Whomever coined the phrase, “Just be yourself” was a dumb ass. Let me preface the rest of my blog by saying, I have not had chocolate or caffeine in about a week and I am about to stick a fork in my left eye. Oh, and “dumb ass” is an understatement. Who started this JBY joyride of ridic-u-larity? Look, the LAST thing anyone wants to hear, when they are in limbo about reality, is a pep talk from a SAHM who has let herself go and who is wearing apple bottom jeans that are two sizes too small. Crack isn’t legal. Just sayin’. Oh, and I don’t wear apple bottom jeans. They scare me with all that gold.