Tonite’s installment of, I Can’t Sleep, has been brought to you by the makers of Naturally More Peanut Butter. Naturally More Peanut Butter: Because, naturally, I need more peanut butter than the average binge eater.
Archive for the Category »WAHM «
Whomever coined the phrase, “Just be yourself” was a dumb ass. Let me preface the rest of my blog by saying, I have not had chocolate or caffeine in about a week and I am about to stick a fork in my left eye. Oh, and “dumb ass” is an understatement. Who started this JBY joyride of ridic-u-larity? Look, the LAST thing anyone wants to hear, when they are in limbo about reality, is a pep talk from a SAHM who has let herself go and who is wearing apple bottom jeans that are two sizes too small. Crack isn’t legal. Just sayin’. Oh, and I don’t wear apple bottom jeans. They scare me with all that gold.
I am so excited and honored to be a part of such an amazing group of Hottie-McHottie writers! I will do my best to not let you down or offend (too much).
Dear Mother Nature,
After the baby, I know there are parts that will never be the same, but…Sure, we all can’t have a body like Kim Kardashian, but are you mocking me? I have a caboose the size of the state I live in – Look, Thomas is the ONLY one in awe! I know I’m easily fascinated by those sponges that expand when you add water to them but when did my butt become a specimen? Did Mickey D’s call in a favor? Mother N, I’m also wondering about my symmetry. Am I forever destined to wear a loose-fitting poncho only to be befriended by Betty Suarez”? It’s summer you know, and Betty’s flight was canceled back in March.
Category: * Featured Posts *, Health, Humor, SAHM, Self-Actualization, Soap Box, WAHM
This morning I was sitting at the kitchen table with Madison. She grinned and announced, “Yesterday Daddy made me a cocktail.” I assured her that Daddy would never have made a cocktail but she insisted. “He even split a grape and put it on the cup!” I immediately ran upstairs and asked if our 5-year-old would be joining AA in the near future.
Category: Humor, Manners & Discipline, Parenting, SAHM, WAHM
