Have you ever been so weighed down with something that it consumes your every waking, sleeping, moment? And, then when you try to shove it into the “trash bin” in the back of your brain not wanting to deal with it, that it won’t stay, but keeps coming back,(like that annoying energizer bunny), until you finally lose the battle and say, “Fine, you win! I’ll deal with you”? Well, that’s me right now! I have a decision to make, an important one, and it has turned into such a dilemma, because there are so many factors to think about…I call it the “having-another-baby-dilemma”!

Now, if any of you have associations with Latter-Day Saint, or Mormon, families then you probably already know this, but the average-size Mormon family is six: mom, dad, and four children. But, on the occasion you will run into a family of nine, ten, or even 12.  At my church, I believe the biggest-size family is nine. (We strongly believe that our sole purpose -not only purpose, though- here on earth, is to provide physical bodies for Heavenly Father’s spirit children.)  That being said, one like myself could ask “Then how come having another baby is such a dilemma?”

Well, my friends, let me tell you…

After I had my second child, a boy, I told everyone that I was finished, and when he turned two and then three, I was like “no way, hosea!”  You see, my son’s “terrible two’s” actually began when he was 15 months old, and they just seem to get worse!  So, couple that with a high-strung daughter who can not sit still for five minutes and who antagonizes her little brother, and what do you get?  Me…a mom with no room left in the “mental department” for another baby, nope,  no way, her mental capacity has reached overflow.   For three years I have felt like this, and have even taken the necessary precautions.

But, and that’s a BIG but, someone else seems to have other plans for me.  Someone to whom it is very hard to say “NO!”, in fact, I would NEVER want to say no, for fear of the repercussions!!!  Most of you probably know to whom I am referring, but for those who don’t, well, I’m referring to the big man upstairs himself…Heavenly Father!  That’s right!  Three weeks ago having another baby just popped right into my head, it came out of nowhere!  And, for three weeks, that is all (well, there’s other things) I’ve been thinking about.  And, when I tried to put it in the “trash bin” it just kept coming back, until I finally gave in and dealt with it.  So, I weighed all the pros and cons (you know, like we’re supposed to do when we have an important decision to make),  and all my cons were what I call “selfish!”  Every excuse I made included the words “me” or “I” in them.  So, I pondered on it, and I came to this conclusion…I put myself in front of Heavenly Father (like he was a Council I had to go through), and He asked, “My child, why is it that you don’t want to have anymore children?”  And, well, after stammering a few times because of nervousness I tell Him all my reasons, or excuses.  And this is what he says back to me (after folding His arms), “My child, what you have just listed are not reasons for not having another baby.”  He smiles, tells me He loves me, and then sends me on my way, of course with my free agency, to ponder and pray, and make a final decision.

Why the dilemma, you ask?  Well, aside from the “mental capacity overload” I am a month away from turning 39 years old.  That said, I have two fears…one is Down’s Syndrome, I truly believe that it takes a special type of person to raise a Down’s baby, and I also truly believe that that is not me!  And, the second one is the miscarriage.  I have talked to several women who said that they have had a misscarriage at the age of 40, and hello, I would be 40 when the baby would be born.  And, to add to that I’m not very patient with my children now, and I yell a lot more than I want to.  I’ll be doing really well, and then “bam” , I’m yelling again!  Oh, yeah, and I don’t like odd numbers.  I have always said that if I had three I’d have to make it four so no one would be left out…that “middle-child” syndrome thing.

A little FYI…I’m going to listen to this “Divine Intervention” I have had, and have another baby…no matter what!  Because I feel that it is the right thing to do!  Therefore, my husband is praying about it; he’s got till the end of this month to give me an answer.