From now on when I do the grocery shopping, I am buying up each and every box with those words on them.

I knew I was going to be on my own for dinner with the girls, as The Husband was still going to be at work.  I invited my mom over to eat with us, and decided I would try to make dinner rather than just heat it up.  Well, most of it anyway.  The mashed potatoes were from a pouch, but I was going to use the Foreman to grill the chicken, and I was going to steam the fresh green beans.

Let me back up here and tell you first that I cannot stand raw chicken.  I have a dear friend that knows of my aversion and she sent me at least  half a dozen chicken recipes that do not require you to thaw the chicken.  I love her.  But because I was planning on using our one-meat-at-a-time Foreman, I wanted to cut the chicken breasts in half, which required them to be thawed.

*shudder*

Anyway.  I thawed the chicken.  I sliced the chicken.  I broke the ends off the green beans and put them in the steamer thingie and put water in a pot and set them on the stove.  I set the potato pouch to the side.

I wasn’t sure how much water to put in the pot for the beans.  And the steamer thing didn’t look the way it did when The Husband used it.  It wasn’t closing all the way.  I didn’t know if that was going to make a difference, but I had potatoes to start and chicken to attend to.

The chicken was looking good — but, of course, it was cooking, and that’s an improvement over thawed any time.  I even found some grill spice stuff and threw it on there.  BAM! I was cooking, I was cooking, and then… I was smelling.

What is that smell?!  What could be burning?  All I have is water heating on the stove!

Oh.  The beans.  Yes, the steamer thingie needed to be closed more.  And probably up higher.  The beans looked okay, so my mom and I dared to take a bite out of one, and they were actually fine!  The pot, however… Well, the pot was okay eventually.  I wondered just how many people have actually burned water before.

Back to the chicken.

The chicken is fine, the chicken is fine, the chicken is…  No longer cooking.  Why is the chicken not cooking?  Why is the red light off on the Foreman?  I still have a piece on here and two more to cook!  What happened to my Foreman?!

MOOOOOOOM!!!

Mom and I unplugged and re-plugged the Foreman a few times.  Nothing.  So I took out another pan and threw some extra virgin olive oil in it and tossed the chicken on top of that.

Okay.  This is good.  I’ll just cook the chicken this way.  This is easy enough.  See?  It’s cooking quicker, and… OW!  What the crap?!  OW!

I had put too much oil in the pan, and it was snapping and cracking all over the place ME.   I kept shrieking, and my mom kept rolling her eyes at me.  Then she took over on the chicken, and the kitchen was much quieter.  Oh, the oil was still hissing and popping and splattering, but Mom didn’t shriek.  She’s tough like that.

Eventually, though, the chicken did cook, and I sat down with my mom and my girls to eat.

The Foreman grilled chicken was a little dry, probably because I over-cooked it because I didn’t know how long it should be on, and I’m thinking the Foreman gave up on me and that’s why it stopped working.  The beans were okay, but the smell of charred pan was lingering everywhere and I think it distracted from the taste.

But.  I still had my potatoes.  That’s what I love about food from a box or a bag — it’s so hard to mess up!  I looked lovingly at my fork with the white, fluffy goodness at the end, and took my long-awaited bite.

Then I got up and opened the trash to look at the pouch.

Ah.  One-quarter teaspoon of salt.  Not one teaspoon.

Bummer.

Now, to be fair, this kind of thing doesn’t always happen when I get in the kitchen, but that’s because I stick to my safe dishes, like spaghetti.  Or boxed meals.  Or frozen bags of food that you throw in a pan and heat up.  And everyone eats, and there are fewer complaints, and life is good.

Like the slice and bake cookies I’m treating myself to right now.  What’s easier than that?

Wait.

What’s that smell?!