Mom With A Pen » OMG I’m having a baby

Funny…Makes Funny

Mom With A Pen — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 07:14:11 +0000

Last week a friend told me I wasn’t very funny when I was pregnant. Personally I challenge anyone to strap on a 30 pound watermelon, try to shave their right leg…oh, and then crack a smile. Look, it’s not about being funny. Looking funny, yes. Being funny, no.

Exhausted

Mom With A Pen — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 17:34:37 +0000

There are times when you are tired. Tired as in, “I’m going to sit down and take a load off.” I’m not that kind of tired. My 7lb-2oz.”load” was taken off April 2nd at 1:36am. That’s why I haven’t been around. What? You never even noticed. I’m just going to chalk that up as you, too, are having a”tired” kind of month. Oh, I’m not tired. I am exhausted. Exhausted is when you don’t remember your name. Exhausted is when your phone rings and you hit the timer on the microwave to stop the ringing in your head. Yes, I am exhausted.

Day 8 – Freudian Clip

Mom With A Pen — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 03:00:11 +0000

It's sad when one finds amusement in little jagged-edged colorful clippings. Every week I challenge myself to see how much I can save, and the more I save, the better I feel. Some women shop for shoes, but since my pregnant cankles are here to stay for the next month or so, in my book, a BOGO and a manufacturer's coupon beats any DSW friends and family sale. Seriously, why is there a "mental hurrah" behind saving a buck or two? Is there a Freudian theory that can be connected to this new obsession...?

Motivated Mondays – I Wear no Pants

Mom With A Pen — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 15:53:06 +0000

Yes, today is Monday. It’s another one of those, “Where is my cup of hot joe so I can burn my mouth, days.” And I’m not talking the gardener or the pool guy either. Of course, to have a “Joe” I’d have to have a feasible garden or a pool (other than the blow up kind). Again, sadly I do not. You, on the other hand, might. If so, your Monday may be going better than mine. I’m sending you a virtual clap, that is if you don’t already have the real one from “Joe”. I digress, as this is a family show…

I Am Toast

Mom With A Pen — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 22:18:11 +0000

Look, there's no revelation or light bulb that goes off. When you are pregnant, irrational thoughts such as "I don't know why World War II couldn't have been solved with a slice of chocolate cake and a pint of Chubby Hubby" constantly bombard what is left of your sanity. For some with a rotund belly, they dream of donuts or funnel cakes... under a blanket of powdered sugar. And yes, sometimes that blanket of powdered sugar also gets put on those fried delights as well. Given the circumstances I am craving toast; I think it started with this... Read more I Am Toast...

Freak Out…

Mom With A Pen — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 14:43:18 +0000

Ever wonder why the late-70′s one-hit-wonder band, Chic, kept repeating that chorus over and over…and over again? Sure, they were talking about a crazy herky-jerky dance move, but if you’re a parent and you’ve emotionally freaked…yes, it’s pretty much the same. Minus the bass guitar and backup singers of course.

There’s an Alien in my Belly

Mom With A Pen — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 05:30:08 +0000

There’s an alien in my belly that wants to come out.
She’s learning human ways and I’m always thinking about
the wave, the hustle… ’cause she’s learning how to “jitter”.
If she had bluetooth and an iPhone, she’d even learn to Twitter.

Sanity. It’s all relative…

Mom With A Pen — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 22:01:17 +0000

It’s eight days past the New Year. Ok, seven to be precise, but who’s counting? Did you make a New Year’s Resolution for 2010? I think I was going to but got sidetracked along the way. Apparently staying focused should be at the top of that list. The thing is, every year is like a new beginning. The Chinese have “the year of the rat” so I think this year, for me, should be “the year of sanity”. I don’t like rats. Of course, we’ll see. I almost lost my mind today…on the eighth…er, seventh day. Again, who’s counting?

Pukey Poultry vs. Happy Pancakes

Mom With A Pen — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 02:22:43 +0000

I am disturbed by poultry. You heard me…poultry. Ever since the pregnancy I can’t smell it, much less give it a glance…a pat…a poke… So, what was on sale at the store this week? Er…oven fryers. Oh yay! (Hear my sarcasm?)

Pregnancy…Under the Big Top

Mom With A Pen — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:18:48 +0000

When you are pregnant, sometime in your third trimester, you will wake up one morning and scream at the freakishly-large circus performer you’ve become. I passed by the mirror this morning and had to do a triple-take. Thank God that the 80′s have come and gone because if I would have had striped stretch pants and a boxy men’s jacket on, you would have handed me stark-white pancake makeup and a round red nose. How many comic buffoons can you fit in a VW? Well these days, if I’m included, sadly…um… just one.