It begins the day you find out you’re pregnant: you do things you never thought you would and don’t want to do.

You start by giving up coffee….well, at least caffeine…and then cocktails….well except for an occasional glass of wine… all for the baby.  You suffer unending nausea trying every “safe” remedy someone suggests just so that you can brush your teeth without tossing your cookies.  You let perfect strangers touch your bulging belly and comment on your girth, tell you what you should do and add their opinion to your name choices. Think about it: would you allow that if you WEREN’T waddling your way through your last trimester?!

It progresses to losing all hints of modesty during the birthing process when you can’t even count the number of people coming and going while your legs are splayed east and west.  Heck, after 23 hours of  labor you’d allow a perfect stranger off the streets (or your mother-in-law) to come in if it meant the baby would JUST COME OUT ALREADY.

And then there’s the lactation specialist. Someone you’ve never met lifting and manipulating your breasts, squeezing your nipples and then shoving your hours old newborn’s mouth onto them over and over again.  Absolutely mortifying (though the the look of abject horror on your husband’s face is totally worth it!).  It’s all for love.

Over the years you learn to catch vomit in your hand without gagging, how to get the smell of vomit out of the car seat, minivan, bed, carpet.  You become the connoisseur of  poop deciphering the meaning in color and consistency and perfecting the art of removal from butts and hands, clothes, floors, walls, toys…. All for love  (well in this case hygiene too).

You suffer sleepless nights for weeks   months years  for feeding, diaper changing, vomit cleaning, bed changing, coughing, bad dreams and just “can I sleep with you” – all for love.

Once you’ve past the toddler years, made it through breast feeding, diapers and potty training you think you’re pretty much done with all the things you never thought you could manage and didn’t want to do but did – all for love.

DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE!  It’s not over – it’s just beginning and the worse is yet to come!  You must learn to:

-show interest in the big hairy spider (bonus points if you touch it)
-not flail your arms crazily when walking through a surprise spider web
-keep both feet on the ground and the scream in your throat when the snake slithers out of the flower bed
-pick up the disgusting but to prove that it won’t bite
-stay calm while trying to remove the bird, bat, chipmunk from the living room
-not faint at the sight of blood (heck, you dealt with puke and poop for months years)
-ride a bicycle after 10  15 20 25+ years
-say “Sure, you can try bungee jumping, cliff diving, para-sailing” (when you’re 30)
-extol the virtues of seafood (even if just saying it gives you the willies)
-taste the “creation” concocted in the kitchen…..WITHOUT gagging (or holding your nose while you swallow)
-continue having sleepless nights due to: open closet doors, monsters, dreams about giant alligators, excitement over going to the circus
-feign enjoyment at playing with the Barbies………..again

I do these things happily willingly begrudgingly ……………… all for love.