What Kind of Parent Are You?

No, no. I’m not yelling that at you in an accusatory tone of voice. Why are you so sensitive? Something you need to confess???

What I really mean is there are many different kinds of parents:
* The Crafty Parent who will set up stations of chaos fun with glue, glitter, markers, paint, egg cartons, and the like and make a wonderful, sparkly Eiffel Tower that lights up when you clap your hands three times

* The Playful Parent who will play Barbies, have tea parties, draw and play hopscotch on the driveway, picnic in the backyard, and play endless rounds of Candy Land until everyone’s teeth has rotted

* The Volunteer Parent who is a scout leader, wastes spends hours every week at the kids’ school, offers to take everyone else’s kids to the zoo or just invites them all over for a play date

* The Hands-On Parent who helps with homework and projects, attends (and stays for) every after-school practice and activity, will spend HOURS teaching a child to ride a bike; tie a shoe; read War and Peace

Most likely, you are The Dabbler Parent who is a little bit of all those.  I would like to say I’m The Dabbler.  Those of you who know me, however, would laugh if I claimed to be The Dabbler.

I am not The Crafty Parent.  If there is a chance of making a mess or getting my hands dirty, it ain’t happenin’ in my house, sistah.  I demand order and cleanliness and this need has gotten worse with age.  My kind of craft station is a table with stuff to clean (jewelry, nick-nacks, small toys).

I truly admire the Playful Parent.  Guess what?  I’m not that one, either.  I can’t come up with stories to act out with dollies.  Hopscotch on the driveway makes me sweaty.  I’m not opposed to drinking scotch on the driveway, though.

Nobody makes me feel more lazy and inept than The Volunteer Parent.  I really do want to help and volunteer.  But my lack of craft desires, OCD-esque issues, and inability to ‘get’ playtime-motivated hinders my volunteering options. I’m open to volunteering to lead an iPhone Tips & Tricks Workshop, though.

If you’re guessing I’m The Hands-On Parent, you haven’t been reading this blog post with both eyeballs.  I don’t have patience to be hands-on.  If my daughter can’t tie her shoes after one demonstration, I’ll hire an older kid off the street (or her cousins) to do it.  Truth be told, I hire my daughter’s older cousins to teach her everything.  I can teach or help an adult to do anything… ANY.THING.  Adults can reason, follow instruction, focus.  But a child?  Holy Mother of God!  How they can focus long enough to breathe in and then out, repeatedly, is beyond me.

On the flip-side of the coin, there are (thankfully) several other Parent-Types that I am not.  The BFF Parent:  I am not here to be my child’s best friend.  I don’t care if she likes me today.  I will not buy her a car to win her adoration; The Politician Parent:  I will not say what she wants to hear in order to stay in power.  I stay in power because my household is not a democracy.  If she wants a say, she can get a job and pay her own damn bills.  Currently, I have a bank account that says I am the dictator and she is my minion; The Push-Over Parent:  I don’t believe everything she tells me.  In fact, I don’t believe ANYTHING she tells me.  I was a kid once.  I know how to work the system, too.

I like to label myself as The Laissez Faire Parent who is hands-off and encourages kids to entertain themselves, teach themselves, prepare their own dinner, and fund their own education.  I’m aware this is a pretty way of saying I am The Lazy Ass Parent.  BUT I am The Lazy Ass Parent who loves my daughter more than anything in the world, and she knows it.

So… what kind of parent are you?

-B(Sting)

Current Mood: Catty & Devilish & Horsing around… & Oh no you didn’t!

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