Thirty-something and I find myself in counseling.  It has been immensely helpful and a positive experience.  Who knew that it is okay to talk about your feelings?  Feeeeeeeee-lings.  Maybe it was that horrible song that led me to view them as the “F” word.  Then again, it could be events of the last uhhh, thirty years or so.  I’ll stick to my song theory and blame Morris Albert (file under: One Hit Wonder). 

My friend A, who is quite wise, made an interesting observance the other day. She noted that I am able to be very expressive when I put pen to paper (make that fingertip to key because if it was my handwriting, after the first paragraph it would be illegible).  Yet, I am not so good at expressing myself vocally, especially when it comes to people who are close to me.  

To put it in Fonz parlance, she is so ”correct-a-mundo.”  To change that, I have been making great strides to open up and talk to my spouse lately.  If you are thinking, ”what’s the big deal?  So talk,” it isn’t as easy as it sounds.  You see one important component of the whole ”communication” thing is being heard.  Therein lies the rub…..you’ve got one spouse who has a hard time talking about her feelings and the mate who has less than stellar listening skills.  

So to get a visual of the last five or so years….I will take a scene I witnessed at the bead show recently.  There was a Chinese woman running a booth filled with strand upon strand of beads.  Prices were hastily written in Sharpie on pieces of notebook paper and thrown in the general vicinity of the beads they described.  People are perusing, picking up and scrutinizing strands of glass and stone.  The seller was looking a little overwhelmed trying to keep an eye on the buyers.  She was also trying to finish up a transaction with a customer, a 55-ish woman from the Phoenix area, perhaps a bead shop owner. 

Bead shop lady:  “Oh, we saw you when you came up a couple of months ago. Do you remember us?”

Bead seller: “Yes,” she says, smiling and bobbing her head up and down.

BSL:  “Are you planning to come back up to Scottsdale any time soon?”

BS:  “Yes,” she says, smiling and bobbing her head up and down.  She is stuffing strands of beads into bags as she counts them adding them up with a hand-held calculator.

BSL:  “If you are coming up, you should let us know.  We were there last time you came, remember in Scottsdale?”

BS: “Yes,” half smile….”yes.”

BSL:  “Do like Scottsdale?  It is so nice this time of year.  Do you know when you are coming up?”

At this point, I am squirming with the urge to yell…”She doesn’t understand what you are say-ing!”  Of course, being a longtime fan of the peculiarities of human behavior…I grab some popcorn instead.

BS: “er, yes..” half smile. ” This total,” showing the lady the ticket.  “Yes?”

BSL:  “Okay,” she says handing over a credit card.  “So you are coming up when?”

BS:  ………….she is running the credit transaction…….she finishes up and hands the lady her receipt to sign

BSL:  “Well, I’ll give you my card.  Maybe you can call and let us know when you are going to be up there.”  She grabs her bags and shoves a card at the Seller.

BS: “Yes.” She is once again smiling and nodding her head.

BSL:  “Well, thank you and we’ll see you soon!”  She is also smiling and wanders off with her bags of goodies.

The only problem I see with this little tale is I don’t know who is who.  Am I Bead Shop Lady and my husband Bead Seller?  Or, am I Ms. Nods-a-lot and my husband is Blah, Blah, Blah?  They both seemed a bit oblivious in their own way…….well, you get the idea, anyhow.